please offer some support, very weak

By shilohani on Tue, 10-18-11, 07:19

Posted in Group:

Ive been bleeding on and ofF for 10 years(anal). It has gotten worse, I feel weak all the time and sleep alot. And hallucinations which I recongnize as such, sometimes adoi which I recognize as such.
This is not good.
just spoke with my doc totor yesterday and have #s to call to get the ball rolling, I AM SO SCARED. I had a colonoscopy done 4 years ago and was refered to a specialist but coulnt afford to go. I have some insurance now. I have no friends no support and no family to turn to. Part of me just wants to end it all, the other part wants to ignore, and the other part wants to fight.
I NEED SUPPORT and any sugjestiontion you may have, I knew somthing has been wrong for a long time.
Im sooo scared.
Yes ive had blood work done, nothing except low liver enzyemes,....

I GUESS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS IS i HAVE TO DO THIS ALL ALONE. i HAVE NO ONE TO EVEN HELP GUIDE ME AS A FRIEND OR TAKE ME TO DOC APPTS, WHEN THEY PUT ME UNDER FOR MORE TEST AND ASK IF I HAVE A RIDE HOME i WILL BE FORCED TO LIE AND SAY YES,CAUSE THERES NO ONE.
i JUST NEED SUPPORT.
shilo ----
i need you, someone... anyone.

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By CK on Tue, 10-18-11, 09:05

I'm so sorry that you have to do this alone! I would be honest though and talk to your doctor and say that you have no support or help while going through the testing, or even anyone to drive you home. There are agencies through the hospital or that the hospital can put you in touch with, that can help! Message me if you need help with this! I am here for you, sending you a hug!

-CK

Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast-Alice in Wonderland

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By shilohani on Tue, 10-18-11, 11:35

Thankyou CK, I ve been tempted to try to contact my extremly toxic family, and I keep resisting the erge. Because thats where my abuse came from. And they will offer no support and just belittle me. which is why, I think some just get pulled back into the same old patterns of abuse. Been there done that. So this time is esp hard with all that I have going on. Ptsd is hard enough, along with panic and a nieghbor who would love to prey on any week quilities i may have. I cant even have some peace at home until hes in bed, my gaurd has to remain up, Im seriously at the snaping piont. And as far as my nieghbor goes, argggggggggggg. Im going to snap. and it wont be pretty.
sorry venting, trying to breath.

I am human and I need to be loved ....just like everybody else does-The smiths

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